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When ancient cultures first heard the good news of Jesus, they were unacquainted with two Christian virtues: humility and celibacy. Both are still desperately needed today. The pervasive sexualizing of our society — fueled by the boundless availability of pornography — has deeply compromised the witness of the church. How can disciples of Jesus reclaim the purity to which we are called?

 

No More Excuses
In Search of Sexual Purity
September 12, 2010

Glenn McDonald

Ephesians 5:1-14

 

All those who were originally on the receiving end of the New Testament letter known as Ephesians lived in a place that we now call Turkey. But Paul the apostle wanted them to think of themselves as residents of an even more important geography. All of them lived “in Christ.” If we are followers of Jesus, the same thing is true of us. We may live in a community in the state of Indiana in the United States. But every minute of every day we also live in Christ – and that citizenship ought to make all the difference in the world.

That is especially true when it comes to the matter of sex. We are citizens of a country that virtually idolizes sensuality, and is teetering on the edge of sexual anarchy. “Anarchy” means to live without laws or boundaries. To be an American in the 21^st century is to live in a culture where it is increasingly unpopular to feel shame about anything. Simultaneously there is a growing sense that sexual freedom is the only game in town that can deliver great joy. If we just follow the compass of our own feelings we will finally experience the treasures of pleasure and empowerment.

Disciples of Jesus therefore find themselves under extraordinary pressure. How can we live in Christ and in America at the same time, since there is so little overlap in the way these two dynamically different realms define the Good Life?

Our goal this morning is to experience hope as we address that important question. It may be, with regard to sex, that you have never heard a word of hope – especially from the church. Historically, Christians have tended to sound more condemning than encouraging when it comes to sexual issues. We’ve been quick to point fingers at the immorality of individuals, but notoriously slow to grasp the reality of global tragedies like sex trafficking and prostitution.

Likewise, in every church there are individuals who have earnestly tried everything in their power – unsuccessfully so far – to win the battle against lust. Now they feel shameful, degraded, and profoundly alone. Tuning in to another sermon about God’s vision for sexual purity feels like a hopeless exercise. But the God we worship raises the dead. He never calls us to a way of life unless he faithfully provides the resources for us to succeed. God created us to live as sexual persons. He is the giver of both joy and freedom. And there is no sin that is stronger than the Holy Spirit who can make all things new.

Let’s open our hearts and minds, therefore, to God’s gift of hope as we open our Bibles to Ephesians 5:1-14. Whether reading from your own copy of Scripture, or looking up here at the screens, or reciting these words from memory, let’s stand together and speak this portion of the Word of God:

Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person – such a man is an idolater – has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God’s wrath comes on those who are disobedient. Therefore do not be partners with them.

For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord. Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. For it is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. But everything exposed by the light becomes visible, for it is light that makes everything visible. That is why it is said: “Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.”

We don’t know the origin of those last words in our text. Paul may well be quoting from a hymn that was written during the earliest days of the church. But its content is plain: Those who are in Christ have the capacity to wake up and smell the spiritual coffee. With the light of Christ shining on us, we of all people should be able to see the world as it really is. How then should we respond to the following nightmarish realities:

• That pornography has now become an industry whose annual profits exceed those of the four largest global corporations combined, as well as the combined annual income of every professional franchise in football, basketball, and baseball?
• That the combined receipts of every stage production in the United States – including symphony performances, musicals, plays, and rock concerts – is exceeded every year by the revenue generated by strip clubs alone?
• That the average age of internet exposure to pornography is 11 years old, and the largest consumers of internet porn are in the 12-17-year-old age range?
• That 94% of the sexual activity depicted on television happens between unmarried individuals?
• That a poll taken amongst conservative Christian men attending a national rally revealed that 53% had viewed pornography during the seven days prior to the conference?

Years ago I decided that I was never going to be one of those sensationalist preachers who would try to motivate people with shocking statistics. But sleepers, it’s time for us to wake up and let the light of Christ shine. I have personally needed a serious wake-up call from God.

Is there any remaining sacred ground in the public square? We have rationalized sexual misbehavior to such a degree that whatever represents “normal” has become a steadily plummeting standard. Every day middle school and high school students face excruciating pressure to be “with it” sexually. Can anyone point to even a modest public vision for moral purity?

The most heart-rending reality is that research consistently shows that there’s almost no difference in the sexual behavior of those who say they are in Christ from Americans who check the box claiming no religion at all. We are living in a society that has clearly lost its moral bearings, but the church is unfortunately in no position to say, “All you have to do is look at us if you want to see what the Spirit of God can do.”  

So where do we turn? We turn to God’s Word. First we must hear a very firm No. God is serious about relational boundaries. But that No will be incomplete and even misleading unless we also hear God’s powerful Yes.

We begin at verse one: “Be imitators of God, then, as dearly loved children.” We are God’s own family. Paul is imploring us to live out the family values that children ought to pick up by sitting around God’s kitchen table. Look also at verse eight: “For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light.” What is the Christian life? It’s nothing more and nothing less than simply being who God says we already are. We must wake up and live like his children.

“But,” Paul says in verse three, “among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.” “Sexual immorality” is the translation of the Greek word porneia. That word encompasses any kind of sexual sin – that is, sexual behavior that takes place outside a covenantal marriage relationship of one man and one woman. Porneia is a catch-all term for adultery, rape, incest, co-habitation, homosexuality, premarital sex, and participation in that wide spectrum of lust-generating art and media that has come to be called pornography. Verse three therefore speaks to both behavior and fantasy. That’s a hard list to hear. Please don’t stop listening.

In the book of Proverbs, Solomon begs his son his keep his distance from “the wayward wife” – that is, from anyone who would tempt him to cross sexual lines. It’s not an exaggeration to say that any child, teen, or adult who has internet access on a cell phone walks around every day with access to millions of wayward images. Pornography demolishes sensitivity to other human beings. It damages the way we see the world, see each other, and see ourselves. Brain researchers are learning that fixation on pornographic words and images can be as addictive as cocaine. Comparatively, Solomon and his son had it easy. At least they had a reason to fear public disclosure. The virtual anonymity of on-line pornography deepens both its lure and its hold.  

Now a number of us may comfort ourselves by saying, “But I’ve never technically been unfaithful.” But it’s possible to be emotionally unfaithful every day. Here is where many of us, especially women, are vulnerable to the Literature of Escape. Do you find yourself dreaming about what might have been; imagining life with someone who doesn’t have all the annoying habits of your spouse; or wondering whom you might marry if your partner were for some reason off the scene? That isn’t just idle fantasizing. The Bible describes that as relational betrayal at the level of the heart.

Here we need to stop and say, as loudly and as enthusiastically as we can, that sex is not a curse. It is not a test or a trick that God decided to play on humanity. Bob Jordan, who was a pastor on staff here at ZPC for many years, put it well: “God gifted us with our sexuality. He implanted in our brains a central processing unit for sexual stimuli and responses, gave us various peripheral devices, and wired us with top of the line fire-wire.” Do you think those words might confirm that Bob has a degree in engineering?

All this raises important questions. If sex is such a blessing from God, why does it seem that the wheels are continually falling off? How have we managed to make what God calls sacred profane? Why is lust such a pervasive human experience? Lust may be defined as normal sexual desire plus selfishness, and in our fallen world selfishness is a pervasive human experience. I want, right now, my desires for intimacy to be met, even if I have to do an end run around God’s faithful provision for my intimacy. Purity may be defined as normal sexual desire accompanied by selflessness – but it’s only as God transforms our hearts through his Holy Spirit that selflessness will consistently win the day.

Physical intimacy is an experience in which we give ourselves completely to one other person. It is a way of saying, symbolically, “After this, I have nothing left to give to you. I have nothing left to reveal.” We cannot give such a gift to just anybody, or to a string of somebodies, and still believe that its God-given mystery will be untainted. That’s why God commands us to protect this ultimate act of self-revealing with fierce and unyielding marital promises.

When people ask, “Why are you Christians so hung up on sex outside of marriage?” the Bible answers: Non-marital sex is a life-uniting act that happens without a life-uniting intent. God’s core purpose for sex, from the beginning, has been an exclusive experience of unity for one woman and one man.

Paul is careful to put up boundaries even in the realm of speech. “Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk, or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving.” These words cover everything from vulgarity to open defiance of God. The term “coarse joking” actually had a positive connotation in the first century outside the Bible. It described party banter, double entendres, and clever wordplay. Humor will always have a welcome place in human conversation – but it is not to be a doorway to impurity.

Listen to a late night monologue and see if the talk show host can get by with less than half a dozen sex jokes at the expense of half a dozen public figures. Verse 12 is a very strong statement: “For it is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret.” God’s children are not to participate in America’s breezy party talk. The alternative is learning to say “thank you” to God, both publicly and privately, for providing all our needs.  

What we do with our bodies and our speech matters to God, because the whole person belongs to God. Randy Alcorn points out that people speak a great deal about “finding God’s will,” as if it were lost somehow, or was a puzzle to solve like Rubik’s Cube, or was an equation that only an Einstein could figure out. But Paul writes plainly in I Thessalonians 4:3: “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified [that is, set apart completely for him], and that you should avoid sexual immorality.” There’s that word porneia again.

Sexuality is like no other human experience. That’s because – in our brokenness – pride, power, and pleasure frequently meet at the same place at the same time. Because of the incredible power that is inherent in God’s good gift, mishandled sexuality can be immensely destructive.  

A few years ago I heard a presenter say, “Sit down and make a list of all the things that will happen to you if you mishandle your sexuality.” He had done that, and he read his list out loud. He said that if he stepped away from God’s intentions for this area of life, then he stood to lose his marriage; the trust of his children; his capacity for experiencing intimacy; and his ability to worship. He’d undoubtedly end up facing guilt and fear; the temptation to become a hidden person; loss of character; crushing damage to his reputation and his ministry; weakness the next time he felt temptation; and the deep sadness that he would be passing on a legacy that would compromise his children’s ability to trust God.

Our tendencies to rationalize our own behavior are so insidious, and our confidence that we will somehow be able to go “only this far and then stop” is so foolish, that Paul now pulls out the big guns. He writes the scariest words that appear in the book of Ephesians. In verse five we read, “For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person – such a man is an idolater – has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.” And then, as if to anticipate that we will somehow try to wriggle off the hook, he writes: “Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God’s wrath comes on those who are disobedient.”

God means business. He has crafted a universe in which righteousness is always rewarded and unrighteousness is always punished – whether in this world or the next. Making decisions as if our desires are the Most Important Thing in the World may seem, in the moment, to be acting in our self-interest. But such decisions are always stupid. We will always be found out. That’s because we never live out of God’s sight. All of life is coram Deo – “before the face of God.” To choose purity is to place ourselves under God’s blessing. To choose impurity is to place ourselves under his wrath.

In the popular mind, everybody goes to heaven. It’s our entitlement. Isn’t this what we hear at the funerals of the rich and the famous, and the powerful and the depraved? No matter what they did in this world, and whether or not they ever felt sorrow for it, they have now graduated to the next world where they can go on living as moral free agents. Mainstream America refuses to take seriously even the possibility of God’s judgment. Paul counters with the solemn assurance that judgment is inevitable. What kind of God is he if he doesn’t care about unholiness? What kind of God would overlook global industries that victimize women and children and scar countless human hearts? If there is no judgment, why do we make such a big deal about receiving salvation?

This is where a number of us sigh deeply and say, “But the God I believe in isn’t a God of judgment.” It frankly doesn’t matter what God you believe in. What matters is the God who is actually there. “Well, I think Paul was mistaken on this subject.” Now you’re the one who is standing in judgment – judgment over the validity of God’s own Word. How can we claim the promises of Ephesians chapter one if we reject what Paul says about sex in Ephesians chapter five? “Well, maybe I’ll just go to another church.” But these words and these warnings will still be exactly the same. As Paul puts it in verse ten, our job assignment must always be to “find out what pleases the Lord.”

When it comes to dealing with porneia, the bottom line is that we have three options. First, we can tear up the passport that says we live in the kingdom of God and live as if our only citizenship is in America. That would mean going with the flow of our culture and aligning ourselves with the “disobedient” in verse six. Paul says that those who live unrepentantly remain under the wrath of God.

Second, we can repress our lustful thoughts and behaviors. We can cover our eyes and plug our ears when it comes to sexual realities. This has all too often been the path of the church. The sad reality is that repression actually sets us up for greater temptation. People from rigidly Christian backgrounds often fall prey to sexual acting out because their inner poverty and woundedness has never been openly addressed. Children who grow up in such homes are like sitting ducks in our hyper-sexualized society.

That leaves us with our third option. It is the only healthy choice – spiritually, emotionally, and relationally. We must connect with God through heartfelt worship. The Bible’s No concerning sexual immorality is immensely strong. But the Bible’s Yes is even stronger. We must fill ourselves with what we’re really hungry for. We’re hungry for God. Sex is not really about sex. It’s about our longing for intimacy. And if we haven’t let God himself meet that need, impurity in some form will always look good to us.

What do we mean when we say that worship is the antidote for sexual immorality? We worship that which we assign ultimate worth. Notice in our text that Paul bundles together three terms: porneia, greed, and idolatry. In verse five he describes the “immoral, impure, or greedy person” as an idolater. Our struggles with lust and greed are spiritual from top to bottom. We vainly try to fill the God-vacuum in our lives with pleasures and possessions.

Therefore we must confront lust with the promise of a greater kind of joy. God has hard-wired us to be hungry for deep intimacy. That hunger can be satisfied only as we cultivate a lifestyle of authentic worship. Attending worship services is merely one feature of such a life. True worship means paying attention to God in more and more of our everyday moments – wherever we are and whatever we are doing – by remembering, with joy, that he has already given to us everything we need to be deeply happy…even if our current inventory of pleasures and possessions seems low.

So what do we do next? Let me suggest three actions that will help us claim or reclaim God’s gift of sexual purity. First, we must come clean. That means telling the truth about our struggles in this area. Lying to ourselves, to God, and to each other will only stall our efforts at getting well.

There is a book about lust called Every Man’s Battle. I am not an exception to “every man.” In the struggle for sexual purity, I have all too often been a battlefield casualty in my heart, mind, behavior, and imagination. But by God’s grace and power, I am actively building a new life, one that reflects what it means to think, and to speak, and to make choices in Christ.

When it comes to personal purity, all of must admit not only our brokenness but our powerlessness to go forward in our own strength. We cannot imitate God unless God helps us! This I can tell you from personal experience: Jesus will receive you if you go to him in humility and brokenness. He will not turn away. And he will begin the miracle of healing your heart. As we give ourselves to worship as a way of life, we will experience real victory.

Second, we must take responsibility. That means we must get our lives in order. No more excuses. We must courageously walk away from every behavior and every relationship that we know is displeasing to God.

All too many of us who have abandoned the dream of personal purity. But if you have given your heart to Christ, then you are filled with God’s Spirit – his Holy Spirit, who will never cease the work of transforming your inner world. We need to be honest: It’s difficult to delete the bad files in our brains – the memories, images, and wounds that may have become lodged there through sexual immorality and our choices in the past. But with God’s help we can limit the number of additional bad files from this day forward, and we can open numerous good files that the Spirit will use to help cleanse our imaginations.

What’s the best way to impact our culture with regard to purity? The most important thing we can do is to live like God’s children. We must be who God says we already are! If those in America could actually see what it means to live “in Christ,” God’s light would shine in the darkness.

This will be costly. Neighbors, family members, and fellow students will mock us for clinging to what seems to them like a worn-out, old-fashioned understanding of sexuality. At last Tuesday evening’s session meeting our male elders affirmed that it’s time for men in particular to take leadership in the realm of sexual integrity. Men need to rise up and be men of honor. And we must not be hypocrites, calling others to a standard that we ourselves are unwilling to embrace.

Third, and finally, we must walk with each other. We cannot move towards purity alone. One of the tragedies of sexual sin is that it tends to drive us into isolation, loneliness, and hiding. Things only become worse if we are quick to judge others for their sexual failures. When the Bible says that we have all of God’s resources to experience purity, we must not overlook the resource of each other.

That means, first of all, that we must help each other not fall down. Think about that the next time you witness the baptism or dedication of a child here at ZPC, and you raise your hand to pledge your support for that child’s walk with the Lord. Every one of us needs the power of many prayers to experience purity in a world that thinks nothing of stealing a child’s innocence.

Aside from my wife, I have entrusted two men with the specific details of my past struggles, and how God continues to be at work in this area of my life. Every month those men receive an electronic report that tells them exactly where my computer has been. The goal is simple: Sustainable purity. Our commitment must be to pursue anything and everything that will help safeguard our hearts.

As important as it is that we help each other not fall down, it’s even more important that we walk with each other when we do fall down. All of us fall short of God’s standards. Some of us have fallen flat. But not one of us has fallen to a place where we are beyond God’s grace and mercy. People who are in Christ are not perfect. We are continually in need of his forgiveness. There’s a wonderful role that each one of us can play: We can become the bearers of his hope and his healing to each other.  

What is God’s call? We must come clean. And take responsibility. And walk away from what is wrong. And walk well with at least one other someone. And worship the Lord, letting his fullness fill our souls. For if we wake up, O sleepers, we will rise from the dead, and Christ will shine not only on us, but through us.